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He was so… handsome, even as he was asleep right now. I sighed with a soft smile. It was funny, with all the thoughts rolling in my head, like how am I going to explain my disappearing act, and what was going to happen Monday, I couldn’t stop smiling. I carefully reached over Ben, grabbing his free hand gently. I slid my fingers in between his, and just stared for a second, trying to keep this image in my head. It seemed so.. easy.. perfect.. right. But it isn’t.. or wasn’t. All of sudden Ben’s. I felt that I could not satisfy her and she no longer turned me on, so we had just given up on sex. She turned to her church as a substitute for me. She commented to her friends about our nonexistent sex life, a couple of times in front of me and that grated on me. It was worse when she got drunk. I felt... emasculated, diminished. If I could not satisfy her, I thought, maybe she needed a real man, a more manly man than me. I imagined her getting fucked by a big man, a younger man with a big. Four kids on the corner trying to bring you up. Willy picks a tune out and he blows it on the harp. Bob sang, he’d asked Holly, who readily agreed, joining the girls on back up vocals. We all hit the chorus, Down on the corner, out in the street, Willy and the poorboys are playin’, Bring a nickel, tap your feet. Naomi and Gill double tapped the basses, it was awesome, Bob chipped in a few gentle chords and Mac kept up the beat. Bobby left his horns and worked percussion. I wrang the life out of. She started to open the car door and the light just about blinded me.I said, "Lennie where the heck you going?"She said, "I'll be right back, I need to get out for a second." Then almost like she was having second thoughts she said, "Rickie, I will not smoke it if you don't want me to."I looked at her with tenderness and said, "Lennie, if you think the grass will help you, then go ahead."Again I could tell that what I said made her feel better and she continued to get out of the car. She looked.
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